i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
