i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
