keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Found your dick twin last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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