Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
