I love black thongs
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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