Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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