if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
