I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
