Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
