i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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