I need to stop coming to work sober
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
