you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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