I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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