its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
