do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
