can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
