can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
