if i can run in heels then i can drive
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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