At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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