So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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