i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Green mimosas i think yes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
