On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
