mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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