I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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