You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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