i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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