this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
