Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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