my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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