if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
