you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
