Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
