Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
