Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
