I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
