I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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