I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sober January is a disaster.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
