I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
