She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
