I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
