FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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