his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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