I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
