There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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