Im at strip club and am horny
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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