One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
