i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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