My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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