you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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