Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
