I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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