Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
